Dreams

I have been thinking about a conversation I had with my college age daughter this evening.  Now I need to provide a little background information.  Apparently during her senior year in high school we must have had a conversation about following your dreams.  I mentioned that when I was a senior in high school that I wanted to be a marine biologist.  Growing up I can remember watching Jacques Costeau and Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom.  I wanted to have a job like that – going to exotic places and studying animals.  Of course, my parents did not like that idea very much. So, I followed their advice and picked a sensible career path. I went to college and earned a business degree in accounting.  I then took the test to become a CPA.  Now, I realize that being an accountant is not very exciting.  And during tax season, it can be very stressful.  During my daughter’s senior year in high school,  we had a conversation about following your dreams.   I wondered out loud what my life would have been like if I had gone against all the advice that I was given during my senior year and studied to become a Marine Biologist.  I do not realize how much to heart she took my words. 

Anyway, my daughter shared her dream with me this summer.  She wants to go to Hollywood or New York to be an actress.  My reaction is WHAT????  That is very hard to do. Deep down I am thinking you are going to college to get a sensible career.  I am sure I used other words that may have been hurtful to her.  Well, this summer she gave me a nickname.  Now, this nickname has become something of a joke between us especially when she mentions something that I think is outlandish – such as becoming an actress.  The nickname is DK – short for Dream Killer.  I know most people would be upset with this nickname but I decided to laugh and I told her that I did hope her dreams would come true but I would want them to be more realistic – like becoming a local TV personality, teacher, lawyer, doctor – or maybe have some kind of career where she did not have to be in Hollywood or New York City.  Those places seem so far away.  I have never been to Hollywood but I have been to New York City and I think New York City is nice to visit but I do not want to live there. 

Now for the reason I am writing about this in my blog.  My daughter wanted to know if she could add another class to her college schedule – voice lessons.  She wanted to do this so she could come closer to fulfilling her dream of becoming an actress.  Now in the course of the conversation she brought up that I did not follow my dreams and become a Marine Biologist.  I laughed!!!  I told her that at the time I was in high school.  Yes, I dreamed about becoming a Marine Biologist but that was a pie in the sky dream.  When I was in college, I followed the advice of my family and took classes in accounting.  Even though I say I hate tax season, I do not hate accounting.  I really just hate the pressure in trying to get what seems like millions of returns done by April 15. 

I can clearly remember being in the car with my mother during the last year of college. My mother asked me about what I saw myself doing with my life.  At this point in my life  I was newly engaged to my husband. My dream changed.  I forgot all about being a Marine Biologist.  I wanted a husband who loved me and who I could have a life with and a family.   I told my mother that I wanted to have a type of career where I could be flexible with my work schedule so I can spend as much time as possible with my family. 

Come to think about it that is exactly what I have done.  All during the time when my children were little I was fortunate to find per diem work so I was able to make arrangements and work from home so that I could watch them grow up.  I finally went back to work part time in an office about three years ago and it has only been this past year during my daughters first year of college that I started working practically full time at the office.  I told my daughter that I have lived my dream.  My dream was to have a family that loves each other though smooth and rough times.  I also told her that if I was a Marine Biologist then her dad might not be her dad and my daughter would most likely not be her.     The feeling I had when I told my daughter that I have lived my dream was amazing.   I fell in love with a man. We had a family together.  We are very  fortunate that our family is still together in this day and age.  And I love my family very much.  I would not trade this for anything in the world.

 During the time after college to this day has not been perfect.  I would even say that sometimes it has seemed like a nightmare.  I think dreams and life are sometimes – messy.  But when you look at the whole picture it is full of  love, struggles, happiness, hardships and many other things.  But what makes it good is being with people who care about you and love you.